Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
