i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
