your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
