he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
