and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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