I think I just saw someone hide a body.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
