I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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