He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
