why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
