sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
