Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
