oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
