Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
