Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
