My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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