I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
