That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
