its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
