She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
