Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
