You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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