new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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