Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
