i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
