oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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