im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
