so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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