If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
