I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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