it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
