i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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