THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
