What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
