How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
