You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
