Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
