I'm passing your future prison.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
