I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
4 words: hood of his car
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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