I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
