I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
