He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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