I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
