Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
