The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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