Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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