Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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