at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
