It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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