Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
