I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
