Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
