Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
