if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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