Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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