this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
