i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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