He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
