A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
