i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
