her vagine was all disorganized.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
